The Fermata Weekly: You are neither late nor alone
Cru Arts & Culture, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
Fermata on Julian’s Note is the weekly recap & preview of my artistic activity, with special attention given to Notes of Rest, my contemplative-musical retreat, and The JuJu Exchange, my jazz-electronic fusion band.
Hi everyone,
I have a beautiful story to share today and a more difficult one. First, the beautiful.
During the last week of September (on the evening right before Vancouver School of Theology) I got to spend time walking through my story as an artist-theologian with Cru Arts & Culture, a branch of Cru the college campus ministry. I was thankful to have this space to encourage others with my testimony about how Jesus has stitched together my story as a Black creative and theologian. (The JuJu Exchange and Notes of Rest is where I live out this charge most directly.)
During the Q&A, I was able to answer an important question about what shifted for me during the pandemic such that I came out of my malaise and started Notes of Rest. My answer was a long, winding story about different realizations and the vast number of people God sent my way to help me listen to my sound. But one story that took on particular significance for the Cru participants was about my dear friend Shin Maeng, a phenomenal visual artist (who’s responsible for both the Rest Assured cover art above and for the Notes of Rest Logo).
In Winter 2020-2021, I was at my lowest, most confused point about how to move forward in my career. I had no concept of Notes of Rest yet, I felt stuck professionally, and my wife (a pediatric resident) and the world was getting pummeled by COVID. It was during this valley-moment that the Holy Spirit graciously brought to me my old friend Shin to be a companion and guide.
We had many conversations, but the main one we had was about the timing of my career, about how I was right where I needed to be creatively. The refrain that he gave me was simple but life-changing: “you're not late, Julian.” One day he must have said that 10 times in a row to me, because I couldn’t believe it. (It’s like this scene in Good Will Hunting.) He was saying that because I had believed that my newfound interest in professional music-making was impossible to pursue because I was 30. I was too late. I was too late because I hadn’t gone to school for it like my brother Nova Zaii did. I was too late because the pandemic was sidelining so many performing artists permanently. I was too late because all of my heroes had put out several records by my age.
When I shared that story with the CRU audience, a participant deeply resonated with that and shared as much in the chat lol. I don’t know what her story was, and I don’t know what your story is, but I pray that the creative dreams God has placed in you come forth. Too often adults sit on dreams because the inhibitions we’ve learned as social mores stifle us. But God is a creative God. God creates and releases and creates again. God is constantly creating, and Jesus bore witness to that routinely. (The Kingdom of God is like a mustard seed…) The Holy Spirit is here to remind us of this!
Praise God that we don’t have to stifle our dreams ultimately. Praise God that our creativity is not utterly bound by time. You’re not too late to be creative. Don’t let this world disqualify you! May the Holy Spirit send a Shin your way to remind you of that when life is tough. Amen.
The more difficult story. The JuJu Exchange released a track today on our Instagram called More Than a Memory, in honor of those families who lost a pregnancy or infant this year. (Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, and the whole month is a time of observance.) This track is part of our JazzRx series, a space where we respond with music to the pain and joy of our fans and this world. (You can listen to the JazzRx Introduction collection here, released last month.)
You are neither late nor alone. God is here.
abundantly,
Julian
P.S. My birthday is Monday! Your journey with me through Fermata has been a cherished gift this year. Thank you for being in this thang with me.
P.P.S. One of my inspirations in this artful, theological focus on rest is Tricia Hersey (a fellow Candler School of Theology alum, I might add!) Her debut book, Rest is Resistance, came out this week. I’m excited to read it and look forward to talking with you about it.
Upcoming:
Oct 14 Soho House Chicago (private)
Oct 16 Notes of Rest at North Shore UMC (10a central, Glencoe, IL)
Oct 20 Playing with BSA Gold (9p, Sleeping Village in Chicago)
Oct 28 - Nov 16 Touring Europe! (more details tuned)